The Reason Gentle Parenting Is Hard for Some Parents

If you’re a parent on social media, it’s very likely you’ve been bombarded with content about gentle parenting. It’s become somewhat of a buzzword adopted by numerous parenting influencers online.

“Gentle parenting has gained popularity in recent years because it aligns with modern research on child development and emotional well-being,” says Chioma Fanawopo, a parent and teen coach. “In a world where mental health awareness is growing, many parents are drawn to its principles, which aim to raise emotionally secure and resilient children.”

But if gentle parenting feels hard for you, you are not alone. 

One study published in 2024 found that more than a third of caregivers who identify as gentle parents report parenting uncertainty and burnout because of the pressures to meet parenting standards. These gentle parents often reflect on their well-being and openly question whether they’re parenting right or not.

Despite how much it’s trending, gentle parenting can feel almost unattainable for some caregivers, according to experts. And there are various reasons for that. Let’s break it down.

Why Has Gentle Parenting Been Trending?

Gentle parenting gained popularity during the COVID-19 pandemic, a time when isolation and stress was rampant and parents sought advice on parenting in tough moments. What they discovered was an alternative approach to parenting that steers away from traditionally harsher parenting styles and veers toward a milder one.

It is also evidence-based, points out Lauren O’Carroll, a parenting coach who specializes in working with people with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

“Research consistently shows that parenting styles have a profound and lifelong impact on children’s mental health and development,” she explains. “Gentle parenting emphasizes emotional safety and deep connection with caregivers, which are critical for fostering resilience and well-being. It also highlights the importance of co-regulation and building secure attachments, which aligns with what we know about brain development.”

In her work, O’Carroll sees many Millennial and Gen Z parents gravitating toward this approach. Often, they’re consciously moving away from authoritarian parenting styles, either because they vowed as adults to do things differently than their own parents, or because they’ve begun to unpack past trauma in therapy. 

“This trend also reflects a broader societal shift,” O’Carroll says. “As collaboration replaces hierarchy in workplaces and other areas of life, it’s natural for family dynamics to follow suit, moving from rigid, top-down relationships to ones built on mutual respect and understanding.”

Fanawopo adds that this modern parenting approach to raising children emphasizes empathy, respect, and understanding. “It’s about fostering a strong, respectful relationship with your child, guiding them with patience and firmness rather than fear or punishment,” she explains. “This style of parenting encourages children to express themselves while still maintaining boundaries, promoting emotional intelligence, and mutual respect.”

Often cited as popularizing the term gentle parenting, Sarah Ockwell-Smith, the author of How to Be a Calm Parent and The Gentle Parenting Book, also shares on her website that a gently parented child will grow to be a happy and emotionally healthy adult. Importantly, she acknowledges that regardless of which parenting style you use, parenting will be hard—and gentle parenting isn’t any different. 

Why Gentle Parenting Can Be Tough

For parents like Fanawopo—a British-Nigerian mother raising teenage boys—gentle parenting can feel counterintuitive and culturally challenging. “In many African cultures, children are traditionally expected to be ‘seen and not heard,’” she says. “Obedience and compliance are often valued above self-expression. When children push boundaries or seem defiant, it can leave parents feeling frustrated and questioning their approach.”

The challenges of gentle parenting don’t stop at cultural expectations. Parenting is influenced by many factors, Fanawopo says, including:

• The child’s personality. Some children are naturally strong-willed or highly sensitive, both of which can test a parent’s patience. 
• The parent’s personality. A parent’s own temperament, triggers, and stress levels play a big role in how they respond to their child.
• Environmental stress. Work pressures, financial struggles, or a lack of support can make it harder to parent calmly.

O’Carroll highlights several other factors that can make it hard to put gentle parenting into practice. Some of the key barriers include:

• Parenting in the heat of the moment. When your child is refusing to listen, having a tantrum, or defying limits, staying calm and regulated can feel nearly impossible—especially if you’re already overwhelmed, tired, or triggered yourself.
• A parent’s neurodiversity. Parents with ADHD, anxiety, or high emotional sensitivity may find it hard to model the self-regulation gentle parenting requires. Impulsivity and emotional reactivity can make calm responses challenging. “For parents like me, who have ADHD, this challenge is compounded when parenting neurodivergent children, as they often need even more co-regulation,” says O’Carroll. “This is exactly why I do what I do as an ADHD parenting coach—because while I know how hard it is to gentle parent with ADHD, I also know it’s possible.”
• Parent’s own upbringing. Parents raised in authoritarian or neglectful households may struggle to break away from ingrained beliefs about discipline and respect. Without a personal template for gentleness, creating new patterns can feel like swimming against the tide.

Plus, one key aspect of gentle parenting is knowing how to apologize when you’re wrong and giving your child a voice, Fanawopo notes. “For many of us, this is uncharted territory—apologizing to children wasn’t modeled by our own parents,” she adds. “But teaching children how to handle conflict and own their mistakes starts with us.”

In the end, no matter what parenting approach you take, it’s going to require work.  

“Ultimately, the goal is to raise children who are confident, respectful, and emotionally intelligent,” says Fanawopo. “This requires patience, adaptability, and self-awareness from us as parents. It’s a challenging path, especially when breaking away from cultural norms, but the rewards are worth it.”

If gentle parenting is an approach you want to try—or get better at—there are expert-approved tips to help. But, remember, you’re doing a great job, either way.