Being a mom (or dad) is a tremendous privilege. After all, the journey of parenthood gives us the opportunity to raise humans with the morals, values, and care we see fit. Even still, parenting isn’t always easy. Sure, there are many aspects of parenting that allow us moms and dads to feel confident about the work we’re doing. However, there are just as many parts of the job that can be difficult to digest. Let’s explore some parenting truths that are hard to swallow.
The Tough Realities of Being a Parent
If you’ve ever wondered whether or not you’re doing the whole raising humans thing right, you’re not alone. I, personally, can vouch for the fact that nobody prepared me for the parts of parenting that don’t go as planned or as we’d like. Here are a handful of parenting truths:
Parenting Forces Us To Nurture Our Inner Selves
No matter how prepared a person might think they are to be a parent, taking on the role of “mom” or “dad” requires deep self-reflection. We’re all influenced by who we were in our earliest years. Being responsible for shaping our children means we must also face the inner child within each of us. We need to nurture ourselves before we can pour into our tiny humans. This can be beautifully rewarding and healing, but hard nonetheless. I, personally, have spent years looking inward and working through this concept . . . and still have a long way to go. Therapy can work wonders here!
The “Village” Might Not Look the Way We Thought It Would
Speaking from experience, one of the most heartbreaking realities of being a parent is that some of the people we thought would show up without question in our children’s lives simply won’t. The “village” everyone speaks of isn’t a given for all families, and that’s painful. Not to mention, it’s downright lonely and isolating at times. We all need support, and coming to terms with the reality of what that actually looks like (or doesn’t look like) is hard. Being proactive in creating your own village can be a game-changer. This might mean joining an online or in-person support group for moms, establishing friendships with parents from school, or finding other ways to grow your community.
People Will Always Have Opinions (And Unsolicited Input)
Before becoming a mom, I let others’ opinions get to me a lot more than I should have. Soon after bringing my daughter and son into this world, I realized how necessary it is for my own peace to take what others think (and say) with a grain of salt. Outsiders’ opinions on how you choose to parent shouldn’t matter. Still, it can be challenging to tune out the noise and focus on what does matter. So, remember to trust your gut. You know your child better than anyone on the outside looking in.
Saying “My Parents Did It and I Turned out Fine” Isn’t Justification for Your Actions as a Parent
No matter how well-intentioned our parents were when they brought us up decades ago, parenting looks different these days. The fact that we all “turned out fine” regardless of the choices that previous generations made isn’t justification for repeating undesirable patterns. We have more research and science and know better now. Parenting isn’t meant to be linear. As uncomfortable as it can be to break the mold and step away from others’ expectations, you can feel confident in raising your children in a way that looks different than it once did.
Discipline Isn’t About Punishment; It’s About Teaching and Guiding
While many of us likely grew up believing the opposite, effective discipline involves guiding and teaching our children — rather than punishing them. As a former-teacher-turned-mom-of-two, I’m a firm believer in the impact of purposeful, positive discipline. My kiddo graced the walls with a marker masterpiece? Instead of sending them to timeout (something that I don’t practice in our home), you bet we’re going to have a chat about what is and isn’t appropriate for coloring on . . . and actually sit down to practice our skills together (on paper!). Rewiring what we’ve been taught about discipline can take time, intentionality, and patience. But doing so will always be worth it.
Your Child Isn’t an Extension of You and Your Missed Dreams and Ambitions
Our children are their own people. They’re individuals with unique thoughts, feelings, and needs. And it’s only normal for us to have dreams for our babies and their lives. As they grow, though, it’s also normal to discover that our hopes for our kiddos won’t always align with their desires, interests, and aspirations. Parenting isn’t an opportunity to reclaim what we’ve longed for in our lives. Rather, it’s an opportunity to guide our children to be molded into the individuals they are meant to be. This is an exciting reality, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t also bittersweet sometimes. Remembering the importance of your supporting role in your child’s journey can make this one a bit easier to swallow.
Your Child’s Academic Success Doesn’t Define Who They Are as a Person
It can be easy to get caught up in putting unnecessary emphasis on academic achievement in our children’s school-age years. However, there’s so much more to our little learners than the scores they earn on weekly quizzes and where they rank in the school spelling bee. A child’s academic success doesn’t define the best of who they are as a person, despite what society tries to make us believe. Go ahead and celebrate your children for who they are beyond the books.
Parenting Doesn’t Stop When Your Child Becomes an Adult
“You only have 18 summers” has become a fashionable quote to share online. But the truth is that parenting doesn’t stop when your child becomes an adult. Instead, it evolves. Sure, those of us with kiddos 0-18 are absolutely in the thick of it in terms of active parenting. Because of this, it’s absolutely important for us to cherish these fleeting years and parent as mindfully as possible before sending our sons and daughters off to college. On the flip side, it’s equally important to consider the future in our day-to-day interactions with our children — and in the relationships we’re building with them.
Parenting Is All About Progress, Not Perfection
There’s no foolproof way to parent, and there’s no perfect parent. No matter how much love and effort we put into being the best moms and dads we can be for our children, we’re all going to fail at times. Again and again. This doesn’t mean we aren’t doing a great job, though. It simply means we’re human. Learning to accept the fact that we will mess up in our parenting — and becoming comfortable with progress over perfection — can be hard. Give yourself grace.
Parenting Is Hard — And That’s Okay
Being a parent comes with endless responsibilities and expectations. Thus, the journey that is parenting can easily be described as a roller coaster of ups and downs for every parent, even the most seasoned among us. Parenting is hard, and there are many truths that come with the job that are even harder to swallow. You know what, though? That’s okay. We’re all out here doing our best and learning while we go, and that’s enough. I promise.
