Exploring how technology influences young people
Most parents are technology immigrants. Children are technology natives. I learned about this difference when I became a foster parent. We were trying to help our family as we were exploring how technology influences young people
He arrived in our home, aged 12, and we were under pressure to give him a mobile phone. Our concerns were how we could keep him safe using his phone.
In his first week of high school, the teacher asked the students to “take out your phones and photograph your homework”. Needless to say he was in the minority who had to quickly write down the homework as the bell rang for the next class.
It was annoying and difficult to navigate this period of time with outside pressures being placed on the family. Now he has a school iPad so (thankfully) that classroom humiliation won’t happen again.
But is technology a friend or foe for your child’s development?
Emotional attachment to the internet
Back in 2012, a study involving 1,000 children revealed some surprising insights:
- 49% of British kids under 12 would be sad without internet access.
- 1 in 5 would feel lonely without it.
Here are some other eye-opening results:
- 70% of teenagers chat on Facebook.
- Two-year-olds often dominate the family iPad.
- Children perform more daily tasks online than adults.
(source: British Children Feel Sad without the Internet – The Telegraph’)
Technology has a huge impact on how children interact, communicate, and form friendships. While I enjoy using technology, as an adult I have learned to balance it with other (non-tech) activities. When I read the Telegraph article, I have to admit it made me feel uneasy that children’s emotional dependencey upon the internet had this effect.
The strong emotional attachment kids have to the internet and technology raises important questions: How often do they use it? How does it affect their relationships with family, friends, and the world? Where does their emotional energy go?
The Real World vs. The Digital World
When kids are in extended periods in front of screens, their focus is the digital world. Could this impact on their emotional connections with real people? The positive aspect is that they can have a bigger friends circle using technology, yet The Pew Research Centre found 26% of interviewed young people confirm they have fallen out with a friend due to something that has happened online.
We know that children need to learn the skills to develop relationships but there seems to be no respite from friendships if they friends can be present digitally. Non-physical connection seems to reduce their communication skills through a lack of body language, tone and emotional energy that comes from a physical discussion.
Technology – Lockdown Lifeline
During pandemic lockdowns, technology played a crucial role in helping everyone stay connected. With social distancing measures in place, the internet became a lifeline for maintaining relationships, working from home, and accessing education. Video calls, social media, and online communities helped bridge the gap created by physical separation, highlighting the internet’s essential role in our lives.
However, this reliance on technology also impacted upon the lack of human connection with other children that is crucial for their mental and emotional development.
“My five year old daughter is an only child and she has been badly affected by lack of socialising with other children since lockdown. She is far less cheerful and motivated than she was before this isolation. She especially looks for video games with other children to watch or pretend, which she used not to do. Her sleep has also become disturbed.”
Balancing Screen Time and Real-Life Interactions
As adults, it’s easy to get lost in the internet too. My husband and I both work from home, and we sometimes message each other about simple, home-life things. But we also use face to face communication – talking to each other during meals and dog walks; balance is the key.
Connecting Through Everyday Life
Maintaining a connection with kids through our day-to-day life is essential. We can talk at dinner, sharing the highs and lows of our day; creating meaningful discussions around the table.
It feels easier to let everyone sit on their phones around the dinner table, and sometimes our discussions do lead one of us to look up a fact (online) in order to prove an argument!
But ideally you could make an agreement with the family of ‘no phones at the table’ (including the adults) – otherwise how will young people develop the non-digital art of communication skills if we don’t model this through our behaviour?
Simple Moments for Deep Connections
If you are driving, use this time to listen and ask your children about their lives. Invite them to put phones away and let them know that you want to spend time with them – this can bring interesting conversations and discoveries you would never have realised otherwise.
Simple meditation can foster deep connections too. We can use technology (ironic I know!) to listen to meditations together and stay connected. Listen (together) to a mindful practice and then discuss how it made you feel – what you liked (or not) about the practice. These moments are powerful opportunities to reset their energy (and yours).
Over the years, I find that some young people prefer to practice mindful skills through a recording or online resource. In fact I often send a whatsapp message to the young people in my life that might includes a breathing tip that might help them at a challenging time (exams for example!)
Taking a few moments each day to connect meaningfully with our children, ensures they won’t feel sad if the internet disappears.
These small, heartfelt interactions help them understand that real-world connections matter too.
Learn to teach children meditation
Listen to meditations together
Meditation recordings for adults & children
